Tuesday, May 30, 2017

So ya wanna birth story eh?

Welp, I guess since she's two months old it's time I tell ya allllllllll about how Emmie made her grand entrance into this world and what to take to the hospital (who knew people wanted advice from me?!! I feel so special!) So- here it is!

Emmie was scheduled for a c-section on 3-21-17- World Down Syndrom Day. We thought it'd be kinda cool. We had a plan. My mom would be there from Thursday the 16th until Wednesday the 22nd (granted that everything was going good)- my dad would be there right before she was born then needed to go home Sunday for work, and would be back Wednesday to take over for my mom. Sean would be down Sunday night and stay until Wednesday, and various others were scheduled to come once she was born to help as well.
I was put on best rest a month before that and we made the decision that she was going to be better outside of the womb, than inside of the womb at the 38 week point- if she didn't come before. She was sitting breech and sideways in there, so we figured we'd have to take her out of that nice little warming unit I was providing for her. Twice a week (Mondays and Thursdays) I was going in for fetal non-stress tests and ultra sounds to make sure she was moving and still doing great. She always passed with flying colors. She was throwing parties in there. I may have had to bribe her once with Chick-fil-a and a mint truffle- but that was easy. Every visit we talked about how if she decided to turn on her own, I'd feel some pain and then feel that uncomfortable leaking sensation that comes with active labor.
But on Friday, March 17th, we were called back in to see the Drs just before the weekend. Dr. Walker had a hunch that something might be up and she wanted some peace of mind. So me and my mom left the baseball games (she was down in St. George for a baseball tournament) and wondered on in. Dr. Walker came in scanned me quickly just to see what was happening. This was just a few short days before we were scheduled for her c-section and she wanted to make sure we weren't missing anything.
Emmie looked great- kicking and sucking her fingers, strong steady heart rate- all the good stuff. She was still breech and we figured she'd just stay that way since she was nice and snug in there. Dr. Walker went through her little speech about "if you feel any sharp pains, gushing of water, any signs of bleeding you call Labor and Delivery and head straight over to us. I'll be here all weekend"
"You know I will" I said. And we headed out the door- still planning on a 7 am c-section that coming Tuesday.
So my mom and I headed back to the baseball games for the weekend. I was getting my vitamin d, socializing fix, seeing my favorite people, doing my favorite things (okay, maybe not, but I was definitely loving being out of the house with my constant baby sitter/mother).  We made plans to go golfing Sunday after noon before my dad headed back (my drs told me I could that... swear on my life!) and just kept on living normal life.
Saturday night we were sitting at the championship game of the 2017 Dixie Flyer Sunshine tournament and just enjoying the a) win from Springville, b) the nice weather, and c) the last minute socializing and gathering of compliments that kept pouring in from people;  I mentioned to my parents that I was having some lower back pains- muscular type pains- and made a joke that I was probably feeling contractions in my back. We decided it probably had to do with sitting in the hard chairs all day long and thought nothing of it. It really wasn't that painful for me. I had been warned that one day- I would go into labor and probably not know it unless my water broke because for some reason, I've got an insanely high pain tolerance...
So after the Red Devils won the tournament, my mom and I were doing what we usually do- taking care of the players (I was once upon a time going to be an Athletic Trainer and/or a Physician's Assistant so I love this type of stuff!) and saying my "final" goodbyes as a non-parent. It was a great time. Then, we went to Olive Garden for dinner.
After we got home and ready for bed I sent my sister a facebook message and climbed into bed. It was 11:58 pm on Saturday, March 18th, 2017. At 11:59- I felt an uncomfortable gush of water and thought- Did I just pee myself?! Oh my gosh, I think my water just broke and my hair hasn't been washed in 4 days- is this seriously happening to me?! I need to wash my hair for pictures if shes really coming!
So I literally rolled out of bed, looked at Jordan and said "GO GET MY MOTHER! I'm pretty sure my water just broke" then I waddled into the bathroom and stood over the toilet. It just wouldn't stop. My mom actually asked me if I was peeing myself and told me it happens all the time so it was really okay if I was. Yeah, that was NOT pee... It was amniotic fluid just coming right on out.
I told her I wasn't going anywhere until it was taken care of and I could comfortably leave my bathroom. She said "you don't have time for that!" so she gave me a towel and told me to put some clothes on because we were going to have a baby tonight!
Luckily, all of my stuff and Emmie's stuff was packed and loaded into the car- and almost all of Jordan's was too! So Jordan grabbed his bag and my pillow (I'm a down pillow snob...) and off we went. My parents followed closely behind after staying to make sure the house got locked and the dogs were okay.
I called Labor and Delivery on the way and informed them I was coming and to get Dr. Walker there NOW- because my baby was on the way and had Down syndrome, was a breech sitting baby and we weren't taking any chances of coming up short with her. They laughed and said "you got it!"
As soon as we got there they asked me if I needed pain medication because I was slightly hunched over and waddling in. I informed them that no pain management was needed- but they needed to do something about this leaking fluid because soon it'd be all over their floor. I then also informed them AGAIN of Emmie's situation and said "sooooo, let's get this show on the road!" They laughed, again, and said "Well, we need to do some checking first."  I'm pretty sure they thought I was crazy when I responded "Listen, she's breech, she's higher risk, I'm NOT peeing myself- and no, I'm not having contractions. So, like, seriously, let's go!"
So they checked me into a room, had me get changed into one of those wonderful hospital gowns, called the ultrasound guy down, put me on a contraction and fetal monitor, and started the paper work.

The nurse kept saying "Let me know when you're ready for pain medication" and I was like, dude, I'm good. Just wake Dr. Walker up. Like NOW! (I really wasn't feeling any pain!)
So an hour and a half later they confirmed that I was indeed in active labor, Emmie was still breech, and she was out of amniotic fluid. (Uhhhh, DUUHHH!!! I told you all that?!)
And then, I started to feel contractions. Small short cramps. Then big... longer cramps.... Then HOLY SHIIIZZZZ I CAN'T BREATHE GIVE ME SOME SORT OF MEDICATIONNNNN!!!!!!!!! (It was always my plan to get an epidural so we knew it was coming, but ya know, we had to wait for that too- because not just anyone can do that for me!)
By that time my contractions were less than 2 minutes apart they said screw it- let's just take her back! So we started walking. And I started to complain- about what you ask? That I couldn't do a freaking cartwheel down the hallway. Because that was also in my plan. This was supposed to be a party. With food, cake, cartwheels and pictures- true story! They laughed at me, again.
So we got all sorts of situated, got that lovely spinal in and working, laid back on that table and they started to cut. I thought Jordan would pass out but he watched every.single.second and did awesome. In the words of Jordan- then they popped her out like she was a giant zit.
and then... 
BAM!!!!!! At 2:21 am on Sunday, March 19, 2017
#Emmietheunicornprincess was here. 
And guess what my very first words to her were:

"OH! You DO have hair!!!" 

Followed by I love you of course... hahahaha! But, it's true... those were my first words to her. 

I was totally expecting to see a little bald headed baby. She showed me- in all aspects of her life.
Emmie was taken away and I yelled at Jordan to stay with her during every thing they did and not leave her side because I was figured that she would be taken to the NICU for some reason or another and I needed to know she was with someone. My mom could take over with me. But Emmie needed someone. So, he walked out the door following her. Surgical suit and all. 

They finished up with me and took me back into my room. I sat there for a second then asked "So where is Emmie and what have then figured out with her?"
I kid you not- 2 seconds later a nurse came in and said "She's perfect, she'll be here in a minute because she's hungry. Are you wanting to try to breast feed?"
I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped because I said "Whhaaattttt??? Bring her to me!"
And in walked my husband with my perfect little child who was not yet crying but trying to suck on something.

And he gave her to me and SHE attached! And she multitasked! And she didn't need anything other than food! 

But here is what was the greatest feeling ever:
Emmie had been born with no real complications and was not needing any sort of tube or monitor.
All of my fears were for nothing. I was so positive that she had to have something. Breathing, eating, skin, brain, heart, eye, lung...some sort of an issue... but there was nothing! And I was in heaven. 

So we wen't up to the mom and baby floor and were flooded with lots of attention. She was gawked at and goo'ed over.... we were even questioned if we were sure she had Down syndrome because everything about her seemed to be SO perfect. 

She had an echo of her head and the hydrophcephalus had cleared up. She had blood tests to check her thyroid levels, her bilirubin levels, her white blood cell counts, etc. and the only thing that was slightly off- her bilirubin was on the boarder for jaundice. So we put her under the bright lights for a day and knocked those off the charts. 

Then she had her heart echo. And he found nothing except a teeny tiny, itty bitty, heart murmur. The kind that about half of all babies have, and grow out of. The kind that you probably had and didn't even know it because YOU grew out of it. But you didn't know you had it, because you probably weren't given an echocardiogram in the first 3 days of your life. It's THAT common. 
Emmie was a great sleeper, a great eater, and great little patient. She was pretty still during her tests and hardly cried, even when she needed something. She was a favorite on the floor and I was happy to share my little miracle baby with them. 
Emmie lost some weight while we where there, but that's normal. She came home at under 5 lbs, which meant she had to have a car seat test but she did so good! She passed with flying colors the first time she took this test. Hard job for her... sitting (more like sleeping) in the car seat for like, 90 minutes. Ha- okay, it can actually be a hard job- but she did it well and we are proud of that! 

Even though Emmie had her own birth plan, the important thing is she got here safe! I was so worried that she would have some sort of birth complications and that we'd be sent into a frenzy because we wouldn't know what to do. People kept asking me if I was nervous and of course I was! I'm a first time mom! But the thing that worried me the most was the actual birth. I had a plan for what if she's got this, or that, or something else- but I wasn't prepared for what if something goes wrong during the birth. I don't know that there is a way to plan for that! Heck, I'm that crazy person who was super duper excited when they said "We may need to look at other birth options instead of a natural delivery." I literally said "Let's just plan a c-section! I want a planned surgery to take her out!" They all looked at me like I was a little crazy but were also very relieved when I had excitement in my voice as that became my option. See, this way, we were in more control.  Control of when she'd get here, how'd she'd get here... I could plan. I'm a planner. 

And since I'm a planner I've put together a list of things for the hospital. Because that was a worry for me. And you can Pinterest this stuff- but let's be honest.... those lists are maybe a little over done because people are paid to write those posts and say crazy good things about certain items. Me, I'm not one of those. I'm an organized freak who plans and wants to take as little as possible so that there is less stuff to worry about. So- here's what I'd put back into my bag(s) if I had to do it all over again! 

Here's what mom needs: (I was at an IHC hospital where there was a lot provided for me)
  • Victoria's Secret pajamas- I literally lived in these. I have a few sets, and I took them. They are that soft t-shirt knit material. I had a c-section so the draw string worked great for me! These were also cooler material and that helped a lot to prevent a heat rash from all the laying around I did. Just make sure you take clothes that are not irritating for you and you can easily sleep in, but can also clean easy or get replaced if they get ruined. If you're planning for visitors, you may also want to look a little put together. This, is that set! 
  • Seamless nursing bras- These are a life saver while you're trying to figure out if you will pump or not, if you're just breast feeding, formula feeding, etc. The only down side is for people like me with a large cup size and super small band size. But! They are comfortable to sleep in and give you enough support for being a wireless. I still use these at night or on days when I know I'm not going out, even though they aren't the best fit for me. The comfort level is just too great to ignore. 
    • Hands free pumping bra- if you are going to pump, bring one of these lovely things with you. It makes your life easier when pumping. I promise. This bra is a one-size-fits-all and can velcro adjust in the back (it's completely covered so you don't feel it, I swear!) and has a front zip- top to bottom- and it's the most comfortable pumping bra I've found. Do yourself a favor and buy one. You can also get it from Target- same bra- made by Simple Wishes, just a little more expensive. You'll thank me later
  • Shape ware under ware- I have these seamless shorts and let me tell you- these suckers were a life saver for me! My incision is definitely low, but that's an issue for the lovely panty line. Soooo, since these are higher in the waist, it helped to keep me from becoming even more sore. I prefer the short style, but motherhood also has a regular "bikini" cut. They also put some compression on the tummy area and that honestly made me feel better right after birth. Ask for a belly band if you can- pain in the butt with the velcro but all the support is amazing and will help with recovery.  I also love Nike Pro shorts in 5" because they come up a little higher and have that little bit of compression. They come in a 3" length as well. 
  • Slippers or easy to slip on shoes for walking around the hospital. I had slip on Ugg slippers and they worked out wonderful. Remember, the hospital is pretty clean so don't worry about germs (because I legitimately had a small freak out about bringing germs home on my slippers.)
  • Overnight kit- I took my own shampoo and condition, body soap and lotion, a brush, toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, lip balm  and remember any medicines you take!  My hospital provided me with nursing pads, feminine pads, lanolin ointment, and pain management medicines. Make sure you have some of those things stocked up at home, and take those extras with ya when you go.
  • Chargers for phone/ipad- you'll be taking lots of pictures and answering a lot of texts and phone calls. But don't be afraid to turn the thing off and just enjoy your time with the baby. People will understand. I took time to reply while Emmie napped. 
  • Clothes for going home in- You'll want to make sure it's something comfy, but also cute since you typically take a lot of pictures that day. I never thought I would, but we sure did! Just remember that when you get home you need to be comfortable there as well since getting home can be a little overwhelming. I took a Juicy Couture velour track suite- go ahead and judge me, but that shiz is comfy and cute. Win-win
Some optional things that I found useful: 
  • Entertainment or work for when the baby is napping. Or for when dad needs his baby fix. Or grandma, or grandpa... aunts... uncles... friends... I felt like I always had someone else taking care of Emmie so I needed a little bit of entertainment in my life. I had my ipad to watch shows. And at night when I was not able to sleep I was so glad I had something to do. 
  • Camera- if you're like me you might want one since your baby will most likely get dressed up and you'll want to document in a thousand and seven ways. But, my phone also worked really well for this. 
  • Snacks- if there are certain things you looooooveeee to eat- make sure you take it or have someone bring it in. I love sweet tart ropes and salt & vinegar chips... gatorade... mmm...... So I had my family bring me some snacks. I was given all meals there at the hospital as part of my stay but don't be afraid to have people bring you chick-fil-a or taco bell! Or possibly a chocolate cake from Maglebys... just a suggestion
  • Pillow/blanket/towels- I took my own down pillow because I have a slight sleeping issue without it. The hospital pillows, blankets, and towels are slightly flimsy but the blanket and towels didn't bother me since I got so hot anyway. But I definitely loved having my pillow! 

Things for baby:

  • Car seat with new born inserts. We have a Doona. It's the most amazing thing in the world. It's a car seat and stroller in one. Literally, a car seat with wheels. Best thing ever! If also supports babies from 4lbs up to almost 40 lbs. If you're baby is in the NICU or has some issues like being tiny (Emmie was sent home at under 5 lbs) they will have your baby take a car seat test. Don't freak out! They just sit there for an like 90 minutes and make sure they are getting enough oxygen. Emmie passed with flying colors. 
  • Clothes: Remember that baby can't go home naked so you for sure need the going home stuff. I wanted to play dress up with Emmie (which is totally allowed!) so I took bows and hats and outfits. But then, she was tiny and the clothes didn't fit. So, I sent my mom shopping. But she did get to wear the bows!! I looooovveeee these Coonies PJS and want the whole world to know about them- they are amazing. They have foot fold overs, hand fold overs, a bink clip, a double zipper (top to bottom, with 2 zippers!- great for feeing tubes, IVs, cords, etc!)  and they are soooo super soft. And adorable. They just need to make them in preemie sizes now ;) 
  • Blankets- The hospital provides those thin cheap kind which are just fine, but I took a few fluffy and really warm blankets. You'll also want at least 1 for going home. I also stole a blanket and sent it home for the dogs to have. The one she was brought to me in to be specific. Sentimental value- mmmmk?? This way the dogs could smell her and already know her when we got there. I know, it sounds crazy but it REALLY works. We sent home dirty clothes and blankets for them as well so they knew all her scents. Even poop scents. This kept them from licking at her when she got home.
  • Bottles and binkies if you're wanting them to use a certain kind. We used comotomo bottles since we new Emmie may have a sucking issue. These are totally silicone, soft, flexible and have a longer nipple to help with the sucking reflux. 
  • Diaper bag for taking all the extras! We have the Doona bags that snap on to our stroller, but whatever kinda of a bag will work, so figure out what works best for you! 
  • I would also recommend something for diaper rash. We use Vasaline and Aquaphore with baby powder. But if you ask, they may have some for you

Now here are some thing you shouldn't need at the hospital, but will need at home:
  • Pads for all the areas...
  • Pump and pumping storage. 
  • Lanolin (if you pump or breast feed)
  • Formula (they have premade formal bottles and generic nipples at the hospital)
  • Diapers
  • Wipes
  • Baby bath stuff (wash and lotion, towels) 
So now that you know what you do and don't need... I'll leave some more pictures of #Emmietheunicornprincess and some of her visitors. And myself... But none of the dogs because they don't like pictures anymore. Teens these days... 😏
Emmie and Grandpa (my dad)
Emmie with Dad, and Papa (Jordan's dad) 

Aunt Lolo and Nixxon

The start of being spoiled... 

Emmie and Grandma (my mom)
Emmie and Uncle Sean

Sunday, April 23, 2017

The best registry ever! well, if you ask me...

I have had a lot of people ask me to do this- so of course I had to! And I'm happy to do it.
We got spoiled! There were 3 different baby showers thrown for little miss Emmie and we got some great stuff (see, spoiled!!) She's got pretty much everything she needs. For the next 3 years of her life. Hahaha. With the exception of diapers and wipes because those will dry out (naturally)  Buuuuutttt, I've had a lot of people ask me what the best items are since I'm the queen of research and comparing (ha! thanks, but not really...)

Almost all of these are from amazon and include prime shipping, and most of them when you register with Amazon.com will come with a "completion" discount for whatever you still need. You only get the coupon code once, so order it all at the same time. Along with the completion coupon you also get a few other bonus things. Discounts on clothes, a completion gift when you register for at least 1 item in each category (you'll understand when you register), a free book, and if you can use prime now, you get a discount on that as well.
I also registered at Target because I LOVE TARGET and they offer a completion discount in 2 phases... 1 in store and 1 online!! Niiiiiceeee.... Double the shopping, my friends!
But again, these links are mostly to Amazon.com but you can find almost all of them at Target as well. I suggest registering at multiple places for a few reasons: 1- convenience, 2- discounts 3- some places have a better price than others. Always price check! Get the better deal, always! I basically had the same registry at both places, but sometimes its' much cheaper to get something one place when you are going through the completion stage.
So here are the larger things and the most helpful things I registered for, and why!

Fisher price pack and play- This one is lightweight, has the newborn insert and a diaper changing attachment. It's easy to set up, and quick to come down. It also fits into the back of a smaller car quite nicely. The incline on the newborn insert is also great for Down syndrome babies that have a harder time breathing or any baby with acid reflux (but make sure you check with your doctor first about this!) The Graco play yards are also great. If you have a larger house, I would definitely recommend one though. Especially with the new born insert, mini changing table set up, and bouncer or rocker in it! Love those features for a larger house.

Summer Infant Laid Back Lounger- We love this thing. I used to promote the Boppy Newborn Lounger but we've jumped ship! This 3-in-1 is super great! I call it the 4 in 1 really... It's very similar to the dock-a-tot. This can be used a co-sleeper, a tummy time toy, a reach and grab toy and my personal favorite- a chair!!! It's been great as we try to teach Emmie how to sit on her own now that she's getting bigger. We got ours at Buy Buy Baby and we able to use a coupon on it so it was about the same price as the Boppy wedge. It's become out new favorite lounger. We didn't try the dock-a-tot but others swear by it. We also don't allow her to sleep in our bed on a regular basis so I didn't feel the need to spend that much on one, but if that's what you're planning to do it may be a better investment for you!
Poor thing... she's so tiny she just wants to freak out! 

Doona car seat- it's literally an infant carrier and stroller in one. The wheels fold up into the seat. It's amazing. It has multiple diaper bags that attach to it- I have them both. One for our quick daily stuff and a larger one for longer trips. It fits a baby from 4 lbs to about 35 lbs.  Only down side is not much storage space on it, and it's a little bigger. Even if you don't need an infant seat- click on the link and check this baby out! I got mine from Nordstrom, I'm not sure if they'll continue to sell them or not... But I used my triple points day, it was awesome in points land that day! It comes with a new born insert, but Emmie was so small we had to put in an extra one just to make sure she was nice and snugg.
I know, I have the cutest baby EVER!!! 😍😍😍
Stroller hooks- Since the Doona car seat doesn't have much storage I got these little babies to hold bags. These are sooooo nice. They velcro to the stroller so they fit ANY stroller/car seat. I use mine all the time. I have the diaper bags that attach to the Doona seat (which is sooo nice to not have to carry it all.the.time) and then I use the stroller hooks for purchases I've made. It works out great. Now if only I was daring enough to get a drink holder... We'll work on that!

Carseat/nursing cover and swaddle- I bought this Mootsie brand one- and I LOVE IT! So does Emmie.  It's nice because of the buttons- so it allows you to see more or less of baby. Plus it fits over larger seats (like the doona) and it's a cool stretchy fabric. A lot like the Cover Me Pancho brand. But cheaper. I have both and like them both. So take your pick!

Baby wrap- I have this one and I love it! It's a thicker terry cloth material, but it's not hot at all. I think Emmie feels more secure in it as well. The Boba brand is basically the same thing (we looked at it from target, and I may or may not have it as well... ha!) We've tried the Solly type wraps, but I didn't feel like it held Emmie any better. But I will tell you this- Solly wraps are nice because of the little pocket on them- so they easily stuff into themselves. And they are a lighter fabric, so if you get hot easily, that might be the way to go! They also have some cute patterns.

Boon bottle warmer- it's small and portable- makes mid night feedings way easier. It fits larger bottles and smaller bottles. It also has a few different inserts to warm up baby food later down the road. It heats up bottles pretty quickly as well. We love this thing! If you have a two story house or want something that will also keep your bottles cool then warm them, I suggest this one: Born Free Tru-Temp Bottle Warmer  It's also great!

Bottle maker/formula dispenser- If you're going to be bottle feeding. We haven't yet needed this because I produce SO much milk- but this little contraption is awesome.

Comotomo bottles- the longer nipple encourages babies to suck instead of push out. Originally these all silicone bottles made for a cleft lip or pallet- but it's the softest nipple out there, longest, and one of the skinniest so it works great for preemie sized kids and Down syndrome babies. It also allows you to help them by gently squeezing the bottle. I took this to the hospital and had Emmie feeing on it 6 hours after she was born.  These come in two different sizes- we use both. And they do fit into the Boon bottle warmer! It's a perfectly "tight" fit but it fits and it works!

Micro cube "manual" pump- amazing for breast feeding! I would order a few of these little babies- they are great for travel or when you're in a hurry to just release a little bit of pressure and don't have time for a full pump. You can manually start the pumping process by attaching them and using gentle message. I'm telling you though- these things are awesome.

Hands free pumping bra- its adjustable so it fits all sizes, and has removable straps. Get a few- you'll want them! There are other brands out there, but since I'm a tiny band size and huge cup size- this one works SO great for me. Plus, I dry mine and it shrinks back up. Trust me- I've got like 5 of these because I love them. And that front zip- aaaaahhhhmazzzingggg.

Nuk Pump N Store conversion kit- this hooks to almost any pump and pumps directly into bags for easy storage. You can use any bag with it. Just make sure you tighten it all the way so you feel and hear the click so the bags don't come off. I have a NUK and Ameda pump, it works with both. You'll need to order 2- as it's not a set.

Nuk milk bag storage- This keeps your milk bags organized easily. Especially in the fridge. It allows for the oldest to easily drop to the bottom so that you use the older first.

Nuk nipple shield- longer nipple to helps babies to attach better but it can also help keep you from getting mastitis too since there's not as much bacteria from the mouth of your baby getting to you.  (did you know that is how you get mastitis?! because I didn't!)

Vaseline petroleum jelly- super soft and smells good for their dry skin and diaper rash. This stuff is great for right out of the tub before bed. You don't need much, and it might be a little "slimy" but I tell ya, it works wonders! Especially if you have dry skin too- double duty!

Aquaphore baby healing ointment- takes care of diaper rash in less than a day! This is amazing stuff I tell ya!!! I got a little tube from a sample of whatever years ago, and I filled it with this and threw it in my diaper bag- love it that much! You can get it in multiple sizes, I tagged the diaper bag size, but it comes in tubs if you need it. It's also perfect for sensitive skin- and Emmie definitely has that.

Corn starch baby powder-  Go ahead and judge me- but I use the Johnson and Johnson brand with aloe. It works with the aquaphore to keep their little bum's from getting bad diaper rash.

Munchkin wipe warmer- Okay this is a pure luxury, but we love it. So does Emmie. Especially at night when it's a little colder.

Baby bum diaper rash cream spreader- Just trust me on this one.... you will want a few of them. With this you use WAY less product and it's not messy for you. You're welcome. (I found it cheaper at babies'r'us, but it was in store only)

Baby nail files- these are made of glass but if you're like me and you don't want to cut your cute baby's skin, you'll want one. I'm sure I'm one of the only crazy people to give my newborn a manicure in the hospital, but I did it. I filed her nails right on down and she didn't have any more scratches. I should maybe go do that right now....

Boon first aid kit- I liked this one because it was smaller, and it has a handy little pouch. I just suggest a baby first aid kit period. This one has the nail clippers, a nose sucker for those buggers, medicine dispenser, thermometer, toothbrush... it's a good one if you ask me!

Little remedies medicine kit- You'd be surprised at how quickly you may need some of these! Always ask your pediatrician first, but this is what was recommended to us!

Coonies baby/toddler pajamas- Okay- let's talk about the most amazing clothes in the world. I love these. They need to make these in preemie sizes. These pajamas have a double zipper- from top to bottom- plus they have little foot fold overs and the mittens, plus a binky attachment loop. AND THEY ARE SO SOFT!!!! If you're baby has a feeding tube, and iv, etc... these pajamas are so nice and easy to use. This is one of my most favorite gifts! Emmie loves them because they are stretchy and breathable, and not too hot at night. And I love them because they are functional, easy to use, and so dang cute! They do come in girls, boys and gender neutral prints, so anyone and everyone can get them! (You can also buy these at http://cooniesapparel.bigcartel.com/) Go buy them. Now.

Edwin the duck- IF you have an iPhone and you want an all in one toy- this is a good one. We bought one, but since we are Samsung people it was download this app, and this one, and that one, oh! and that one too. So we ended up taking it back. BUT!!! It does help tell the temperature of the tub, it plays music, white noise, and has a soft glow. It can also connect to educational apps as your baby gets older. I was just too frustrated to keep it (I'm a simple person, really. Just work properly and I'll keep ya!)

4-moms momma roo- Okay- honest talk- at first I thought this was totally overrated. But not anymore! It is an all in one swing, doesn't bother her ears (some Down syndrome, or any baby with sensitive ears for that matter, don't like a traditional swing because it bothers their ears), it has changeable speeds and patterns to mimic different movements, it makes noise and mimics the womb sounds, you can even hook your phone up to it. Totally worth the money. I didn't have to get a bouncer and a swing and a white noise machine. This did it. Plus, with the amazon.com price I paid less for it! Just make sure you also get the infant insert if your getting this for a new born.

4-moms bathtub- I got this for from my school at my baby shower... I literally said "Now my baby won't get E-Coli or Salmonella from the sink!!"   This thing fits in your sink, it has a cut out for a 2 compartment sink- and it tells you the temperature and drains dirty water out! The only bad thing is it's a little big for my preemie sized baby (see next link to fix that...)
First bath and hating life... But you can see how big it is for her at this point. Which is why I like the bath sponge. Now she fits! 😃
Bath sponge-  We have one of these as well, it fits into the 4 moms tub, but we also use it for the regular tub as well. This is great for the newborn stage- especially for before the cord falls off. Since it soaks up the water, it helps to get them clean and it keeps them a little out of the water, and it keeps them from wiggling too much. I suggest you get one.

4-moms bath spout cover- If you don't get the bath tub, this is good temperature gage! It fits over most spouts which is nice.  Or if you get Edwin, pass on this.

Any baby towels and wash cloths, they are actually softer! I got these motherhood bamboo washcloths and they are soooo soft! You're baby's skin will thank me later! We use Aveeno baby wash and baby lotion on Emmie as well since she's got ultra sensitive skin. It contains less cetyl alcohol than regular Johnson and Johnson's- which dried her out like crazy. Thats the ingredient that helps the lotion to actually dry up so you need some, but we got the Aveeno because it has less. We also use Vasaline as lotion on her, on a recommendation from our Pediatrician.

Swaddles- you need all kinds and types! Get big, small, gauze, bamboo, cotton, flannel, square, swaddle sacks...  trust me. You'll want different types for different settings. I like the gauze and jersey knit kind personally, but Emmie likes flannel because it's soft and warm. She's tiny and needs the extra heat. I simply like that the gauze and jersey knit can wrap and wrap tight. So we settled on a fleece swaddle sack instead. She sleeps very nice and cozy in it! They come in different sizes so make sure you get the correct size and style for your baby.
Ahhhh, so sweet... swaddled and passed out! 
Bassinet or Fisher Price rock n play for the first little while- if your child has sleep apnea, acid reflux or is a silent aspirator the rock n' play may work better because of the incline. I like the auto version because you don't have to sit there and rock it, it can do that for you. They can also vibrate which can be a nice feature as well. It folds us nice and small to slide into a closet or easily travel with you if you don't want/need to take a pack'n'play as well. There is also a sleep wedge you can use for the acid reflux and silent aspiration- but it's made for a bigger laying area such as a crib.  The Tiny Love 3-in-1 rocker is also great because you can use it for multiple things. A bassinet, a bouncer type thing, and a high chair. I also like that it has a mobile on it for play time... or time you need to yourself and your baby likes to watch things above their head... yesss.... keep the tiny humans happy and amused!
This was actually my bassinet and she just fits so nicely in it. awwww, so cute
Waterproof changing pad liners: You'll also need a diaper changing pad, and I would suggest a few water proof pads for that, and couple of different changing pad covers layered: cover, water proof mat, cover, etc... . You'll thank me later. At 2 am when your baby pees all over and you can simply strip it off and there's a new cover sitting there. I did the same thing on her crib for when she's in there as well. You can get a larger size for the crib- I got this version from babies'r'us by Koala Baby
There is a water proof pad, then a changing table cover, and it keeps on layering underneath it. Makes those 2 am oopsies much more manageable. I did the same thing on her crib as well!  

Now of course you can register for clothes, diapers, wipes, and bedding, etc.... but I'll let you have you're own opinions on colors and themes. But just this once 😉
Knowing me I'll probably make adjustments and add to this list, so check back. And if there is something you see that you're wondering about let me know- I can do allllll the research for you!

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Welcome to the world!

Well incase you're wondering WHY it's been a little bit... you should try having a baby. Because she's here!!! And we're kinda obsessed with her.  (I mean, when you look at my kid you'll get it- she's just totally obsessive worthy!)
So obsessed that I actually struggle writing this because that means I have to sit down and not be obsessed with her cute self and clothes and room and actually focus on something else. Say whhaaatttt????
So here's the dealie-o.... I'mma blog about how awesome she is now, then you can hear alllllll about her traumatic birth later. Okay, it wasn't traumatic at all. It was actually kinda funny. And I've got pictures to prove it. So stay tuned for that one!

BUT FIRST!!!!  I PRESENT TO YOU.... (sound the trumpets- dun da-da-duuuuunnnnn!!!!!) 

March 19, 2017
2:21 AM- via C-Section
5 lbs, 4 oz
18 inches long

And absolutely perfect in every way 😍😍 
She is doing absolutely wonderful! We spent not very much time in the hospital, and she's just amazing. Super tiny and still in preemie diapers and clothes that are just a tad too big, but hey- she's getting bigger! But for now, we love her tiny little self. So here are some quick updates for you followers and people curious about how she's doing with "the basics"
  • She sleeps pretty dang good (except for when Grandma and Grandpa are here and give us a date night and slightly mess her schedule up- good things she's pretty awesome and goes right back to where we want her!) 
  • She eats great! One of the most concerning things with her was "Will she eat?" (You'll get that full run-down later) But she eats! And does it oh so well in many different forms! (insert tiny fist bump and high 5 here!) 
  • She poops a lot! But that's okay- that just means she's working right 😜😂

  • She is pretty interactive with us already. She looks around a lot, makes eye contact, fakes crying and sleeping to be held (especially by Jordan and her grandpa's- typical woman!) 
  • She is happy and content to just be here (I'm pretty happy she's here, too!)
    Hahaha- her tiny self and tiny clothes... still too big! 
    I mean really, she's drowning in that gown!

  • She is great in the car and car seat, once we get going. But it's a little rough being soooo tiny and having to get into that giant thing. We'll blog about that later, too (stay tuned- ultimate baby registry coming up!) 
    Yeah... no words! 
  • The dogs absolutely love her, and Tugg wants her all to himself.  Comet has designated himself the guard dog and constantly looks to make sure she's still there. 

So there is my quick update on #Emmietheunicornprincess. We are so happy she's here!! And for reals, thank you to everyone who has sent messages, gifts, prayers, love, thoughts- we truly do appreciate all of it even though we tend to be horrible at returning calls, texts and social media comments #gratefulpeoplefail   We are just too busy loving on this tiny doll like baby! #sorrynotsorry

Friday, March 10, 2017

The I'm Sorry post- because I am...

So let me just start by saying sorry it's been SOOOOO long since I've posted!!! I got super sick with a nasty cold that just keeps on lingering... and then got caught up in staying on top of work stuff, plus ya know, life.  But there's another reason I'm writing about "sorry" today. Something that I didn't really ever think about until all this happened. And it seems kinda... odd. But I think you'll understand here in a second.
People say "Oh I'm so sorry" when they hear about the diagnosis, and A LOT of people get offended by that "I'm sorry" thing because it's like they think when someone says it, they are sorry you are having a baby. But, I don't see it as that, I don't think they are meaning any harm by it. I get where they are coming from. I think that a lot of people are saying "I'm sorry that you have to go through worry, through being scared, through the unknown and the waiting game."
Pregnancy is supposed to be a happy time, and when you have a baby it's supposed to be even more happy. BUT- when something is not quite as perfect as you envision- there is a little bit of a loss, and confusion, worry, doubt, etc. And it's okay for people to be "sorry" for what you're going through. People say sorry when you're sick, when you break a bone, when you are in a car wreck, when you have surgery, when you lose someone, when you have to do something you don't want... but they also say sorry when they know there is the unknown coming up and they know they can't do anything to help. It's a not always an insult.
Now if someone says "I'm sorry your having a baby with down syndrome because that sucks" - trust me- Imma go crazy on them and give them a little lesson in being ignorant and rude- but that hasn't happened yet. So in the mean time- thanks for the worry, and the care! Because I get it- and I appreciate you caring enough to be "sorry"
Now- on a completely different note.... 
Someone said to me recently "I love that you're so proud of the fact that she's got Down syndrome and tell everyone about it!" And I am- I'm proud that this little unicorn- this magical and mystical creature growing inside of me- has beaten her odds. She went from "not looking good at all" to "throwing parties like she's a rock star" and I want to tell the world about it! Because that part is something to celebrate. Yes, we still have a lot of unknowns, even unknown of when she'll get here, unknowns of functionality- but everyone who is carrying a baby and even breathing still has that. You never know when something is going to happen. So why not celebrate what we do know- and what we know is that she's looking great, with a sassy little attitude.
So here's the update(s) on EMMIE  because that's why you really came here- right??
(We finally decided on a her name- for now. Hoping it lasts!!!) 
Her heart is STILL looking great. If there are any issues they are so small we can't see them. We get to see her once a week because we're like, ya know, having a baby any time now... and we always check her heart!
And her brain- we check her brain lots too! AND THIS IS WHERE IS GETS GOOD!!!!! Because ya know what?? Her little issue there- it's going away too. So take that enlarged ventricles! Slowly, but surely those ventricles are getting smaller and we looooooovvvvvvve that. She is getting lots of brain matter and that's what we want. It's amazing and again- proves she's a mystical magical creature growing. #unicorn
In other news.... She's breech, she's tiny, and she loves to drive me nuts with her violent movements at night. She's a diva- that's for sure.
I have been put on "bed rest" (what does that even mean??!! haha!) until she gets here because with Down syndrome the placenta starts to age and die off quicker. I have been feeling awesome and like I said, she is just partying it up in there like she's at an after party, but- we have to take precautions to make sure that she grows as good and as big as she can. She only weighs about 4 lbs right now (that's a BIG achievement for her!) but we'd love to see her get up to 5. SO... the less I do, the better chance she has of getting fatter. Because ya know, not burning calories and stuff. Uggggghhhhhh... it's killer. I get bored out of my mind. And I now know why some stay at home moms are the way that they are. Because most daytime TV is ridiculous. Kathy Lee Gifford tries to get drunk all.the.time. and right now poor Jenna Bush is talking like a mad woman trying to make sure they don't get into something sticky. Then! Add in all the soap operas... Like, no wonder there are women who think they need all this drama and crazy in their life- that's all they know! Okay, so that's a total and complete generalization and completely unfair- but I mean, I've seen it! It happens to some of these moms! I'll stick to my Bravo and MTV crazy- because that's just funny to watch them argue about nothing. Hahaha- such a hypocrite over here, I'm aware. Also- I love the show Killing Fields on Discovery Chanel, it's amazing. I'm a total oxymoron in the fact that I HATE scary movies, but the first thing I want to watch is Killing Fields, Scandal, and How To Get Away With Murder. Don't try to figure me out- it's never going to happen... haha! But anyway- back to the point- I'm on bed rest-ish and doing less trying my best to follow Dr's orders because, doesn't everyone love a chubby baby?? Although, he DID tell me I could A) Go Golfing with my dad- riding in a cart and take a few swings (you better believe I'm doing that...) and B) do cartwheels down the hall of the hospital before they bring this baby into the world just so I can prove that I can do it.
Speaking of which- March 21st!!! That's the date!! That's when she'll be here!!!!!!!! It's also World Down Syndrome Day (3-21, 3 of the 21st chromosome... get it??) and I couldn't be more excited!!! As long as she doesn't turn or make any sudden medical decisions for herself, I'll be having a scheduled C-Section on World Down Syndrome Day to bring this precious little (tiny) thing into the world. How perfect is that?! And I, being the weirdo that I am...  prefer to know that I'm going to be cut open instead of just waiting and waiting for her to decide when to come. It's like a dream come true, honestly. Judge away.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017


So here's the latest in the ever time consuming, unicorn princess Ellie/Emmie/Emma (we still don't have a name... oh well!) And then you can read an update on me, and then the #husbandchild and then the dogs. Because come on- some of you care about the other things too. I think.  

First- The Unicorn:  She's still just clowning around in there. Kicking and punching... dancing and tumbling... acting like the wild child I'm pretty sure she's gonna be... Hahaha people say isn't it that cutest thing?? Uhhhhh....... to be honest: NOPE! I'm glad to have the assurance that she's still moving and therefore alive, but I could do without all the violent jabs. Call me a weirdo- I am very aware that I'm like the only person on the planet who doesn't find it oh so adorable and live for them.
We went to Maternal-Fetal-Medicine (MFM, High Risk) and got her cute little brain looked at (have you ever heard of anyone referring to their child's brain as a cute little brain?? hahahaha- welcome to pregnancy, people) The ventricles are still enlarged, but they aren't too worried about it. They seem to be staying consistent and allowing for brain matter to grow and that's always a good sign. We'd of course like to see the fluid levels go down, but we'll take them staying the same over them raising any day. We aren't sure yet if we will need to see MFM again because this is something they will continue to monitor until she's born. The good news is right now she doesn't need the in utero shunt that was looking like a possibility. There is a possibility that she'll need a shunt after she's born, but again, we don't have the answers to that and probably wont until after she's born. 
Her heart is still looking pretty good. There is a little bit of talk about her thicker heart walls, but so far every doctor agrees that it's okay. And since she's be on a regular cardiology check up it's something they will continue to watch.
This is her heart. The valves and chambers are looking good. They are slightly concerned about the heart wall, but not enough that she needs surgery or anything. 

This is her face, smashed against my stomach because for some reason she likes to be that way. 
She's got all her little fingers and toes, a tiny nose, and now she's starting to get some hair. Poor kid- she's doomed there, too. I have thin thin hair, and Jordan's isn't much better hahaha. She may be a little bald baby for a while, with balding parents. Good thing they have some better looking wigs these days. Hahaha, I may need one! 
She measures a little small which is very common for Down Syndrome. She should be weighing about 2 1/2 pounds, but she's not quite there yet. Last time they measured her she was about 1 lb 12 oz. But as long as she's growing it's okay! Jordan and I aren't big people anyway- so that's something I'm not too worried about. My sister-in-law had pretty tiny little babies too. So I'm just expecting her to be this little itty bitty thing. 
I'm now at 29 weeks which means in about 10 weeks, SHE'LL BE HERE. And ask me how much I have ready for her... go head, ask. Wanna know my answer??
She's got a crib that's being painted, but no mattress. A dresser that has been painted, but only like 9 things to wear and most of them are a bigger size. 1 binky. 1 bottle. 1 diaper. Oh, and soap. She's got soap people! Other than that.... I have SO much to order and do! I know what I want to get here, but I haven't ordered it, and I haven't even considered the fact that really, she could come any time. Maybe I should get on that one.         
But on a side note: 
And time consuming. 
She's not even here and she's been very consuming. Ha- for good reason though- I assure you. I've been researching the best things to buy. Knowing there is a really good chance she'll have sensitive skin I've also been looking into that and which type of diapers, wipes, and washes to buy. I've always loved Aveeno for myself, but that may not work for her. I tried The Honest Co but wasn't in love with it. I've joined the Seventh Generation Community and I'll be trying out their stuff. I used their laundry detergent for a load of clothes and that seemed to be good for me- so maybe that will be good for her? I also want to make sure that I'm using less harsh chemicals in the house. And I've been using up what I have to try and replace what I can with better products. These cute little kiddies loves to use their tongues to explore and I'd rather not poison my child. Just a thought. 

Second- Me: I do not have gestational diabetes. Dodged a bullet there since anything I eat must contain sugar for it to actually stay down. And since both types of Diabetes (type 1- juvenile onset, insulin dependent and type 2- adult onset, usually diet related and controlled). And let me just tell you- that drink isn't as bad at they say. It's just like a orange otter pop. But- there is a bad part. You only have FIVE FREAKING MINUTES to drink all 10 ounces. That's the bad part. And then you are all hyped up on sugar and wanting to run a marathon (okay, maybe that's a little overkill, but ya know, feeling really full of energy) but you can't! You sit there. For like, and hour. And then they draw your blood. That part isn't too bad for me. But then! Because they drew your blood and you've been all hyped up on sugar you get all like... delusional and light headed and confused about how you really feel. Hahaha, so that was fun! The next morning I was totally screwy too. I was sicker than sick and feeling tired but my mind was racing. It was awful. But! I survived. And I passed. Check that one off the list ✅👊
26 Weeks 

28 weeks 

I definitely have to get up multiple times in the night to pee, which is super fun! I mean, I just love it! I love taking naps to try and replace the sleep lost in the middle of the night. It's very helpful.  I had some sickness relief but it's now come back. Which is difficult of course. I have added to my diet, however. I'm moving up in the world! I'm able to drink chocolate milk so Instant Breakfast has become a new staple since it's got so many vitamins and minerals. I also can eat cereal so I snack on that throughout the day. And I've been doing pretty good with most smaller portions of proteins- including fish! So that's been good. 

Third: #husbandchild Jordan: He's been such a trooper. There are so many crazy things going on in his life, then add in the hormonal wife he's got going on and it's just your regular 3 ring circus over here. He's definitely a work-a-holic but so am I so I can't say much about that one. But, I did warn him that he's going to have to get over that once the little Unicorn Princess gets here. He says he'll try. hahahaha- I now how that goes. 

Fourth- Dog children: Tugg continues to bark .... at nothing .... and who knows why. I'm convinced he see's dead people. And my newly built house is already haunted even though there isn't any other person that's lived here. Hmmm.... 😕
He still kinda hates Comet. Which bothers me. I was hoping he'd be warmed up to him by now. But guess not. Some days it gets worse, I swear. So my little cuddle buddy is turning into a terror. And I don't love it.
As you can see here- Tugg is king of the castle. 
Comet the crazy golden retriever continues to make life interesting. He chases his tail, bites his own legs, slobbers all over the place, and can't eat or drink without spilling to save his life. No wonder Tugg doesn't like him- he's messy. So messy that he gets a bath quite often. He likes the mud. And splashing in it. Then running inside the house and sitting in our kitchen like "look at me! look what I did!" It makes me so mad that I could cry. But then laugh because... haha- THIS has become my life. And the funny thing is, his favorite place to hang out is in our shower! I mean... what the heck, dog?  But I'm pretty sure he's figured out that Jordan (claims to have) got him for the baby- since they are such family and friendly dogs. Because he literally will jump up and hug me, and lick my ever growing stomach. It's kinda disgusting and makes me mad honestly. I mean, sweet thought, dude, but personal bubble being invaded. Go.Away. Down. Sit. Stay.
Told ya... 

So there's your update on the crazy life of us. Thanks for all the love and support! I can't believe in like 2 months I'm gonna have a tiny human to keep alive. Pray for me hahahaha 

Wednesday, January 4, 2017


#realitycheck number 1: You never know what you're going to get.
6 months ago when we found out about the little unicorn we didn't really picture anything quite like this.
Now to be quite honest I've known the whole entire time that something was wrong. I swore Jordan to secrecy and told him he couldn't even tell his family when we very first found out I could actually be pregnant.
When I took the test (which was a complete joke at the time and just to make Jordan stop bugging me about it) I seriously thought it was a joke. I sent a picture of the tests to my mom, best friend and sister and said I think these things are broken because I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant.
My mom asked Robyn (sonographer and professional fetal photo taker- hi mom 2!!!)  who said "Lis, those things are pretty dang accurate but if she's wondering just send her into the doctors office for a blood test."
2 weeks later I was sitting in her office to see what was really going on since I never really went in, just kept peeing on sticks and they just kept comin' out positive. I was still convinced it was a mistake. Turns out- I WAS pregnant. Well, still am. Whatevs.

I wasn't as far along as we thought, though. Which was worry-some. We chalked it up to just having my ovulation dates wrong, but it just seemed odd to me. Because if we're being honest- there's an app for that. And for... everything. And I mean EVERY.THING. But hey, after a week that little circle grew and started to show a heartbeat. Yes... I found out THAT early. Seems weird, right???
This is the original scan- You can see in the top left corner and the bottom right the difference in weeks and where I should have been
But even then, at 4 and 5 weeks along, I just had a feeling something wasn't right. I told Hope that. You can even ask her. I've know for that long that we had a rough journey ahead of us. (I just figured it was a simple miscarriage type of thing)
Here you can see I should have been 7 weeks, but it only showed that little clump of cells- measuring more like 5 weeks- if I remember correctly

We decided to wait until 12 weeks to announce. But at 12 weeks, we saw some more stuff that confirmed what I had known all along- problems. So no one was told then either.
I went back to see Robyn (not that I don't trust my OBGYN down here, they are a wonderful office! She's just... my mom not mom. And I needed her! Still do!)
She saw some things as well and from there we decided that genetic testing was needed and it was needed asap. So, we did that. We had a blood test done. Can't remember the name right now but I wanna say it's called a panorama.... check back with me later on that if you wanna know.
That little gap between her neck and the uterus is called the nuchal fold. That was one of the big warning signs we saw. 

#realitycheck number 2: You were right all along
The blood test(s) came back confirming (well, there was a 99.2% chance) that the unicorn had trisomy 21- aka Down syndrome. There were still some unknowns and pictures showed a few different problems.
The large nuchal fold, the heart only showed 2 chambers, the stomach was a pin head size, and the brain was basically non existent; there was a spot for the brain, but nothing actually in there. Tiny limbs as well.
To be honest; I was prepared for termination or a still birth at that time. I had even come to terms with it and decided we wouldn't even announce the pregnancy so we could avoid the awkward I'm sorry's and the I had no idea's. I informed my boss and other assistant principals and kept them up to date because we just had no idea when or if something would happen and being a school teacher they needed to know in case of emergency. It just wasn't looking good. They have been an absolute dream to work with on this whole thing. (Thanks, guys!!!!)
We are up to #realitycheck number 3 in case you're keeping track...
So far we've had to adjust. And research. And pray. And believe. And ask for help. AND research more. And some more. And watch Born This Way on A&E. And then research some more. And ask around. And slowly we started telling people and then... we (meaning I) put out a picture on social media.
Obviously I couldn't hide this growing bump for forever, but we did for a while. 16 weeks. And not because of being ashamed or not wanting this baby but simply because of the unknown and the fear of loss.

#realitycheck number 4: calling for backup. 
After being referred to maternal fetal medicine  (the Addison Shepherds of real life) we were given a little more hope. Her heart had started to improve and the organs were there. A little small, but there. Same thing with her bones and even the start of a functional brain.
Here she is at 17 weeks. You can see there is still the nuchal fold (the space between her neck and the utro lining) and she also has a tiny nose, which is why her head looks so round with no real face. You can also see the tiny blank space for her heart. But hey! At least it's there! 😃

From there we went to primary children's, and you know the rest.
Well, most of it. That's for next time though- patience, my friends!

But here's the thing....
I've never been one to want people to know everything I'm going though. You may think that I do because let's be honest- I'm a pretty outspoken person who does tend to be an open book when people ask me things but I don't just announce it to the whole world with a megaphone. Or on social media. Jordan even had to convince me into getting Facebook again to announce we were getting married. I'm a weirdo, I know. I just figured those who I wanted to know, knew! It basically all comes down to I don't want judgment for my choices and 90% of the time I don't want your advice. I do appreciate the advice, really, I do! I just don't like that I'm in the situation where I need it. If that makes any sense at all.  I want to be the one in control and giving advice. #typeApersonality #controlfreak and proud of it.

Now I'm not trying to brag here and be all "I'M AWESOME!!!! GOOD JOB KORTNEY!!!!" but I think I've been handling this whole dang thing pretty dang well. Yes, I've had my moments and I have long talks with my walk-in closet and cry sessions with dog child Tugg (he's the best cuddle buddy, by the way.) But over all I've held it together so far.

But. On December 31st, at 11-ish pm... I lost it. One of the many many mom's I follow on social media posted a "plea" for prayers. Her little boy Elijah seems to be slipping away. He's been sick for a few months and along with the Downs, it's not looking good for him. The baby boy thats here already, on this planet called Earth. It's a hard thing to even comprehend for me. This family that I've never met, hardly talked to, and know not much about, is giving me a reality check.

Because the new #realitycheck is: that could be me in a year. Or 6 months. Or maybe even 3 (because O.M.G..... she'll be here in like, 3 months! March is now 3 months away.) So I cried, and I cried hard. And I had to convince myself that it's all okay again. I started watching funny videos of the adorable Down syndrome kids on Instagram and would cry in-between because ibecause all the fear would come back; fear of not knowing if I'd ever get this little one that far, or if she'll ever be able to do some of these things. So I'd watch a new one. And cry some more. And watch, and cry, and watch, and cry... until there were no more tears left. And to be quite honest with you- it felt good. I finally let it all out.
I'm sure there will be many more of these to come because I mean #pregnant and #hormones like crazy but the reality is:  As exciting as this whole mommy thing is... it's absolutely terrifying and I've had my first of many many #realitychecks and I'm not really loving that.